 Shahire: "They spat at me...""I was born at Bonaire. My parents separated when I was still a little child. My mum was addicted. Therefore, she was not able to take good care of me. In a sense, I was raised by my uncle and grandma. I have an older brother, a younger brother and a mentally handicapped sister. My brothers and I were forced to be on our own at a very young age. We never wanted to go home and looked for love, attention and food on the streets and from the neighbours. We washed dishes and watered plants in order to earn money for food.""After school, I usually went to sea. There, I thought about what I had to do. How I could get money and attention. One day, I thought I had to steal something and I did. At first, I only stole bicycles and food. Later on, I attacked people or broke into their homes." "I had started young with smoking cigarettes. When I was twelve, I smoked marihuana for the first time. I usually smoked in the evenings. Smoking made me forget the things I had done wrong during the day. When I smoked, I did not have to think. Because it numbed my feelings, I started smoking more. I hung out with people who also used drugs and I ended up in the drugs scene. I became a dealer." "My elder brother did not know I was using. When we went swimming one time, I sat under a tree to smoke pot. He asked me what I was doing and I told him I was using drugs. He became very angry. Fortunately, he never told my mother. But she found out anyway. I left home. I became more and more agressive because I started using more and more drugs. I was going down and no longer knew how to turn my life around." "I started using cocaine. I never wanted to end up like my mother but now I did. I had become an addict. The cocaine made me feel good. That had been a long time ago because people hated me. I had become a criminal. People spat at me on the streets. They said I was dirty because I did so many harmful things. I beat people up, no longer had feelings for them." "One day, the cops came to get me. The interrogation was rough. They told me that thirty people would testify against me. I was kicked and beaten. They told me I was a bad person and that I had three choices. I could choose to go to prison for eleven years. I could also go to a psychiatric hospital or choose to go to a detox center. That's how I ended up at center for addiction care Krusada at Bonaire. This is a Christian center and I thought the people there were strange. I did not know the Bible and did not know how to pray. That changed. I changed. At Krusada, I got to know the Lord. I experienced emotions again, talked about what I had gone through and the wrong things I had done. I have asked people for their forgiveness and was baptized." "Now, I am at De Hoop. There are too many memories at Bonaire. Too many people know about my criminal past. It would be virtually impossible for me to make a new start. At De Hoop, I learn a trade and I work towards my recovery. I still experience pain and sorrow about my past. I miss my family and sometimes it is hard to live in a completely different country. But I have a goal and that goal is God. I trust that my God will show me the way." |
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